Regrets

Have you ever had a regret that eats you up inside, making you feel worse and worse everyday?

My regret involves a pony. When I was working at a somewhat famous riding school in KL, I was in charge of 3 horses, one of which was an old pony named Cheleken. I took care of all 3 horses as best I could, but I favoured Kiwi, who was a young beautiful Thoroughbred gelding. Cheleken was a small 13hand chestnut pony mare. I have no idea how old she was, but I remember her teaching my friend how to ride when we were 11. I'm in my early twenties now, so I'm guessing Cheleken would have been nearing the 20 year old mark.

Anyway, Cheleken was inflicted with a horrible skin disease. It wasn't infectious to humans or to horses, but it left her looking very ugly. The disease made the fur around her head fall out, so her face was completely bald. It also left bumps on her skin, making her body look like it was covered with big rashes. She was a pitiful sight. Because of her ugliness, she was treated badly by the stableboys. I often saw them hitting her around the head. But I didn't do anything. Why? Cowardice, I suppose.

I spent more time with Kiwi than I did with Cheleken, when it was Cheleken who needed me more. Why? Because in my immature and shallow mind, Kiwi was beautiful and Cheleken was ugly. Now that I'm more mature and somewhat wiser, there hasn't been a day when I don't think of Cheleken and kick myself for not being there for her.

Today, I have no idea what happened to Cheleken. I don't know if she's still alive, or if she's dead. I pray that if she's still alive, she is treated better. If she is dead, I pray that she has gone to a better place and that she knows how sorry I am.